Addiction. Porn Addiction.

Let’s talk about my porn addiction.
Addiction is something that you don’t have control over. Once you become an addict, you will always be an addict, forever and always. It never goes away but it gets easier. Cravings become less but it is an addiction nonetheless.

I’m addicted to porn. It started when I was 23. I was curious what the allure was. It was like a cigarette for me, the first time you try it you don’t usually like it. Yet so many people do so you try again and maybe again. It doesn’t seem like something you will become addicted to because it still seems weird even the third time “trying” it, it still wasn’t appealing to me. Yet something happens, eventually it doesn’t taste so bad and I begin enjoying it. I even liked it and not soon after I was craving it. Once I had control and now I no longer do.

I would say I never felt like I needed it but it made things easier. I didn’t have to work so hard to get my high, to feel a sense of pleasure. It made all the troubles around me disappear yet it was only for a minute, a second. A second I longed for yet it never lasted long.

By partaking what did I do in the process? I used someone. Not just someone, a person. A person God created and cherished and I choose to not see them as that in that moment. In that moment I choose to see them as something I could use for my own pleasure, for myself. But I think to myself it’s consensual right? The person on the screen wanted to do this, they got paid for it.  So doesn’t that make it okay? However in that world sometimes people are put in situations they don’t agree to. Sometimes they are forced. Just thinking about someone being forced to do those things makes me nauseous. Sexual sin is so much different than other sins.

God says it’s a sin against yourself. Your own body. However when I gaze upon another body I am also sinning against them. Someone daughter, that’s how they have tried to humanize these people, because that’s exactly what they are, people.

What am I doing anyways? Why does it matter? Even if I don’t understand these things I choose to submit. Submit to a God who knows more than me. One who says it is wrong. Yet there are so many studies which say it rots your brain, gives you an unrealistic expectation. But also makes you view and treat people different because again they aren’t people just pictures on a screen.

Stop what you’re doing. In life we get to choose, a life of righteousness or a life of lawlessness. One leads to death and the other leads to life. What you are doing is choosing death. You are choosing to live in death for a moment of pleasure.